Friday, 3 January 2014

A late reflection on December

This girl made my Christmas perfect! She brought back that magical childlike excitement of this festive season and without a doubt it has been the best one ever. I'm so proud of how amazing she's been over the last few days, coping with little sleep and lots of people. She's sung and danced through all the chaos, dropping in and out of her own dream world. I watch her in awe, she's beautiful, beyond what I could ever have imagined, inside and out. Motherhood is tough and I often feel like I'm doing the wrong thing. Then I step back and see her interactions with other people, her gentle nature, I relax and can see that I needn't worry about this one, following our instincts seems to be working out ok!
I'm astounded with her patience and gentleness when opening gifts and the way she loves each well thought present. I'm looking forward to the quiet first days of January, with the chance to get out all her lovely new things, find them homes in our house and give her the space to really enjoy them. We will use the art supplies to build thank you cards together and post them out to our generous friends and family.

Despite the excitement, deep down I've been really tired. The (not so little) inhabitant of my bump likes to make its presence known at about 5am, kicking and squirming against the walls of their temporary home. I'm such a light sleeper these days so after getting up to empty my bladder, grab a drink or stretch my twisted back, I'm usually unable to drift back to sleep. I lie in the darkness listening to the sounds of Liam deeply sleeping, Queenie stirring, the heating beginning to kick in, rushing hot water through the pipes. I watch a faint glow begin to appear through our window as the world begins to join me in the day. I will myself to get up, to do yoga or tidy up whatever mess still lingers from the pre Christmas crafts, to have a big glass of water and make the most of this time. But somehow I'm drawn deeper in the bed, clinging onto the quiet and still of the early morning. Now is one of those times. The last hour has passed rapidly and I'm aware soon our day will begin.
It's this time I feel most connected to our growing baby. With each movement I believe they're communicating with us. I am truly overwhelmed with love. For this boisterous baby. For the 
snoozing husband beside me. For the most incredible little girl who dreams in her bed. She is somehow still sound asleep but likely to wake up any moment, so I move with real care so as not to knock anything or tread on any creaky flooring. Somehow she always knows once I'm up, I hear a faint bang of her feet against the cot and then a sweet voice begins to chatter.

And with that our day has begun. Somehow the faint glow has silently melted into light. The clingy chill of the night had been warmed up by the loud pipes. I nudge Liam awake and ask him to keep an ear open for her (he's the complete opposite to me and sleeps through any noise she makes in the night!) while I slip downstairs and rustle up a breakfast or clear the dining room table and listen to last nights Archers.

As December draws to an end I spent my quiet morning reflecting and looking forward. I'm excited about the future of this space over the next year. I have a few ideas I'm still yet to organise fully (so whether they come into fruition may be another thing entirely!). But I want to kick off the new year 
looking back. I'll leave you with my post-Christmas emotions for now and I'll tell you all about what we got up to soon.
I hope you've all had a really special Christmas too. That you've been able to spend it with people you love. Because gifts and food are wonderful but nothing compares to being with the friends or family you hold dearest in your heart. 

(Our mac has broken, so I haven't been able to post this until now, about a week later.)

1 comment:

  1. I feel really moved by the way you notice beauty -even in the mundane- and write about it. Here's to a great year for your family of four, filled with joy and love.