Introducing

Meet our son, 
Jarvis Oak Brannigan.
Born at home, into water, at 12.10pm on the 11th of April. A hefty 8lb 15oz miracle boy, with webbed toes and a true knot in his umbilical cord.

We are all madly in love. 

The promise of new life.

Queenie's flowers form a beautiful shape / Always on the look out for pretty blossoms / My resting spot

It's still cold but nature is singing. The little girl and I can't resist, and have a need to bring it indoors.

My birthday was a few weeks ago and every receptacle was brimming with gifted flowers. She requested our own pickings were bottled up and put in her bedroom. One morning I entered to collect her and was astounded by the power of their scent. Such a dreamy floral aroma encased her sleeping body. A mix of daisies, anemones, forget me nots and buttercups beside her bed, pink hyacinths in her window. We grew these from bulbs in a bowl on the dining table, each day seeing their growth. When the flowers grew too heavy for their stalks and began to tumble, we cut them off and in a jar they were gathered. She was teething and soppy, so the blooms were gifted and gratefully received by little hands that insisted they carried them all the way to her room.

While new life is evident outside, as is the promise of it in our home. A few hours of strong contractions one morning finally spurred us into working through our to do list. There were so many jobs we'd been putting off for months and within a few hours we had done everything.
Sweet baby clothes are clean and folded. A corner of our room is set up with a Moses basket and freshly laundered blankets are piled beneath it. Everything needed for the water birth is ready in our living room, Liam had a practise run and is so excited.

Now it's the wait. I'm resting to preserve energy for labour and life with a new babe. Right now I feel real patient and there's no sense of urgency which I'm grateful for. Queenie is quite unsettled, I think she's sensed something is coming so we are trying to comfort her an prepare her for a big change, but how can one ever really do that for a firstborn? Siblings is an unknown concept for our two year old. I'm sure she will take it all in her stride, the way she always has, and we will find new reasons to be proud of our little Queenie Valentine.

36 weeks

Last week I saw my midwife and then a couple days later, our health visitor. This baby engaged at week 31, and has pretty much stayed ready for action since.
Both women seem pretty certain this little one is coming early, so early my midwife commented on having to keep it in until 37weeks, else I can't have a home birth.
Now that sentence has rattled me a little. That's a week. For the first time in this pregnancy (and possibly ever) I'm feeling what I think is anxiety. I'm drowning in to do lists, futile attempts at organisation. The tasks are all huge and I don't know where to start. My body is feeling stronger than a few weeks ago, but my mind is exhausted, brain turned to mush.
I'll find I've spent an afternoon successfully completing a job that's been niggling to get done for months, but isn't important in the here and now. Last week Liam had a day off, we purged his wardrobe, listing tiny black band shirts on eBay and folding unending ripped jeans into piles. Clearer drawers left us both feeling good to have done it, but for me that good was fleeting and then the nagging panic set in.
Yesterday was my birthday and I was able to be momentarily distracted from it all. I had a perfect day with friends, family, food and some seriously generous gifts. But after a broken sleep and an early awakening, I woke to much the same nervous state this morning.
Tomorrow I hope to fight this lingering anxiety. I'm going to clear the table, and attempt to declutter my brain. The iPhone will be turned off, I'll throw away all those cruel lists, jeering at me for only ticking of one or two items per sheet. With a hot mug of nettle tea, I shall get out my favourite pencil, sharpen it to perfection and breath.
Praying for clarity before I begin jotting it all down. Everything that's taking up space in my mind is going on paper. I need to look at what it is I think needs doing. To organise in importance. Then maybe delegate.
Some of these worries are on the surface, constantly fighting at my attention, slowly turning me to a nervous wreck if left alone to think for too long. Others I've pinned down at the back of my mind, now and then loosening and reminding me of their impending deadline. I need to get it all down to see it clearly.
I feel positive about working this way. We will have to see in time if it actually helps me though! 

Rest.

Mornings. Quiet moments and glow of the new sun. 

This pregnancy has been much the same as the last, though my life has changed so that it has felt quite different. The obvious is rest, or lack of it. Having a small one running around all day does mean that a chance to listen to your body isn't always that easy. I went a while trying to stick to "sleep when they sleep" as we are all told, foolishly I was tempted too often into using that time for myself. Now I seem to be a little too late. Over the last two months, Queenie's decided a daytime nap is a nuisance and the night has shrunk at both ends, with later nights and earlier mornings. Im exhausted! Admittedly she's never been a natural sleeper. We were in awe of friends babies who went down quietly at 6, then slept through for up to 15 hours! Then blessed them with two sleeps in the day! We have had numerous days where attempting one nap is futile! (This very moment in the room above me comes banging, chattering and singing. Anything but sleeping!)

By her first birthday we stopped comparing and accepted Queenie just doesn't need sleep in the same way others may. It has its benefits. She comes along to parties and dinners with friends, art events over in Falmouth, and is able to keep going deep into the night, being more sociable and energetic than the both of us.

The second trimester. This is the easiest part, we regain our energy for a few months and the sickness is a distant memory. The bump isn't heavy so there aren't too many aches and pains. It's a time for organisation and ticking off jobs before the hibernation months that come with a new baby in the family. So far I haven't felt that surge of energy or even a little flutter of it. December was full and I pushed myself, and have regretted it since. The problem with Queenie sleeping so little is I've not had the chance to rest and shake this illness. I'll have a good day, think finally I'm better, then plummet the next, feeling as rotten as ever.

These are a few things I've found help me.
Waking up early. It always seems counter productive to cut sleep. But just a little time to myself before the house awakens is a blessing. I make a tea, a porridge, then read or do a little yoga. I feel much better to have a head start before the onslaught of daytime hits me.

Water. I drink a big glass when I wake and then try to drink lots throughout the day, especially if I feel myself sinking.

Fresh fruit smoothies. This is our go-to easy energy smoothie. Banana, basil and honey (I sometimes add ginger or turmeric for a pick-me-up when I'm not feeling to well, or spinach if my blood count's a little low). The basil is great for sorting out digestion, so after a few days of having one each morning I feel less groggy.

Early night. Dur. And I'm really not good at this, especially when Liam's working a late shift. I love the still, quiet house. It consumes me for hours, then Liam comes in the door and I'm broken from the spell and realising the time, tiredness suddenly grips me.

A few other things along the way have helped me out, but nothing as much as the family around me. Liam, My parents and sisters. And for the last few days Liam's lovely mummy has been staying and helping out (as well as painting all of the rooms downstairs!) which has been an incredible blessing.

Hear

He or she stirs throughout the day and especially at night. Sharp elbows or feet dig hard against my belly. Predicted to be just under 40cm, they will stop growing lengthways now, just gain weight over the following weeks. In just two months we will know their name. I begin to remember what real patience is. Slowly an urge inside is growing, a need to know builds. I fight the cravings to wish this time away. I know each day of waiting brings this new life and I closer, I try to focus on this, spend time just the two of us, talking and praying about the future. They can now hear us going about our days. I think about the noises we create and close my eyes to listen more intently. Liam playing tunes on the banjo, Queenie singing as she dances. The rain beating against the window as the radio plays the familiar theme tune of the Archers. The creaks of footprints on the staircase. The faint tap of puzzle pieces being put back, over and over. Onions sizzling in a pan. A xylophone is clinked, only just audible over the sound of the vacuum cleaner. Bob Dylan serenades us from the kitchen. The whir of the fridge. The Velcro tear followed by a wooden clack as toy vegetables are being chopped by small hands. A little voice chattering in the still morning before the pipes spring into life. Amens around the table and a thousand "more mummy?"s. An almost continuous tapping from the drummer. An upstairs murmur of stories being read at bedtime. Lots and lots of kisses. These are the sounds of our home. I wonder how many reach the ears of our unborn child.